Michael Gracie 

When I was young (a long long time ago) I was let loose each day to explore. No organized outing, no “play date”. Just be home for dinner.

Maybe.

Those adventures inevitably brought me to the water. Any water would do.

I quit the soccer team so I could accompany a buddy on after school fishing outings. To a lake teaming with gar. Nobody believed we were catching such big ones so we brought some back, tied by their tails to pieces of rope. Dragged behind our BMX bikes.

Behavior unrepresentative of the catch and release mantra I now embrace. Yet I will never be able to erase those memories.

Nor would I want to, because I am occasioned the opportunity to revisit.

Foot-powered modes of transport have been replaced by crew-cabbed V8s. Shakespeare combos have been upgraded, and fly boxes are no longer spartan. Plenty of self-perceived experience now in tow.

Yet the quest for the Ditch Grand Slam – a grass carp, a mudfish, and a bass on a single outing – meets adversity. The previous night’s wild thunderstorm flows off the banks. Blows around at 30 mph.

And then there are the alligators. Always those pesky alligators.

The chase for the cup continues. As it has, and will.

As long as I can remember.

To me fly-fishing means…

• Friendship: I love fishing with my friends because I get a chance to pummel them into submission, and hoot and holler a lot. At their expense, of course.
• Method: Fly-fishing is the only form of angling you should consider, and my casting, water reading, and fighting skills are par excellence. Or at least that’s what I’ve got people believing.
• Accountability: Exchanging flies is the ultimate form of camaraderie. I have an extremely fine selection which I will let you pick from, but I’m damn good with numbers. Each will cost you a pilsner.
• Conservation: The river is running kinda low and clear, the tide is doubled up, and the wind is awfully light. The fish will be spooky, so save your gas. I’ll go scouting for you.

I suspect most anglers will not possess my clarity of thought (read: utterly selfless mindset resulting in infinite nirvana), but Ted Nugent’s adopted little brother is running a contest to see who might be worthy of carrying a brand new LL Bean 5-weight on their next business junket. Just tell Ben Rioux what fly-fishing means to you. You won’t achieve my level of self-actualization, but you might wind up with some fresh new gear.

On a similar note, Fishy Kid also started a writing contest a few weeks back. All kids (not you, Teasdale) have to do is answer the age old young question..

Why are the outdoors and spending time on the water so important to you?

..and a hot as Talledega pavement fishing canoe could be yours (after you tell your kid you didn’t take my advice to conserve gasoline during those bad conditions).

Forget slaving over the vice…get ready for spring with your keyboard or pen!

MG signing off (to write something worthwhile…just kidding)

Colorado HB 10-1193 motioned for the voluntary collection of sales tax by online retailers. Most probably didn’t pay much attention to it because it was “voluntary”, meaning law makers had visions of sugar plum fairies and passive-aggressive search engine optimizers dancing in their heads when they offered up the punch line.

Of course legislators and the administrations who sign their work rarely take into account the Law of Unintended Consequences, and in this case all the Colorado residents who made their living through the Amazon affiliates program are now hitting the bread line.

Dear Colorado-based Amazon Associate:

We are writing from the Amazon Associates Program to inform you that the Colorado government recently enacted a law to impose sales tax regulations on online retailers. The regulations are burdensome and no other state has similar rules. The new regulations do not require online retailers to collect sales tax. Instead, they are clearly intended to increase the compliance burden to a point where online retailers will be induced to “voluntarily” collect Colorado sales tax — a course we won’t take.

We and many others strongly opposed this legislation, known as HB 10-1193, but it was enacted anyway. Regrettably, as a result of the new law, we have decided to stop advertising through Associates based in Colorado. We plan to continue to sell to Colorado residents, however, and will advertise through other channels, including through Associates based in other states.

There is a right way for Colorado to pursue its revenue goals, but this new law is a wrong way. As we repeatedly communicated to Colorado legislators, including those who sponsored and supported the new law, we are not opposed to collecting sales tax within a constitutionally-permissible system applied even-handedly. The US Supreme Court has defined what would be constitutional, and if Colorado would repeal the current law or follow the constitutional approach to collection, we would welcome the opportunity to reinstate Colorado-based Associates.

You may express your views of Colorado’s new law to members of the General Assembly and to Governor Ritter, who signed the bill.

Your Associates account has been closed as of March 8, 2010, and we will no longer pay advertising fees for customers you refer to Amazon.com after that date. Please be assured that all qualifying advertising fees earned prior to March 8, 2010, will be processed and paid in accordance with our regular payment schedule. Based on your account closure date of March 8, any final payments will be paid by May 31, 2010.

We have enjoyed working with you and other Colorado-based participants in the Amazon Associates Program, and wish you all the best in your future.

Best Regards,

The Amazon Associates Team

Thankfully I’ve made about two bucks off the Amazon Associates Program since engaging in it circa 1972 1971. But now instead of spending that $2 on a cup of coffee at Starbucks, I’m going to sock it away for my next dirtbaggish fly fishing adventure.

In Wyoming.

I kicked and screamed, but the Fly Fisher Girls would not give this blog their Fly Fisher Boy Blogs “over 18″ designation. Nope…only those Fat Guys and Roughdude were honored with that.

I wept.

But even in a world of such gross injustice every dog has their day. Today the Kid Rock of the North, MaineFlyBoi, informed the world that this blog has been banned by the Brewer (Maine) School Department. And ol’ Ben was kind enough to provide the pudding…

Charged for cavorting with Swedish bikini models, or something like that. The pinups Moldy Chum and Trout Underground post can’t touch this.

I don’t know whether to cry again, or just howl.

MG signing off (to book my next trip to Stockholm)

I’m not going to jail for trading in Novell. In fact, I’m not going to trial, there will be no indictment…hell, I’m not even going to be investigated.

Several years ago I identified Novell as a buyout target. I will not go into my reasoning, but let’s just say I did so before it actually became a buyout target. I accumulated some shares, and sat tight. The stock languished.

Not even on my radar, I received a notification of the upcoming shareholders meeting. I reviewed my position in the wee morning hours, and concluded it was time to bail. I’m still not going into my reasoning.

Twelve hours later Elliott Associates LP, a fund that holds an 8.5% stake in the company, offered to buy the rest of it for roughly $5.75 a share. The stock hit $6.15 in after hours trading.

I think I got between $4.75 and $4.85 for my shares. During normal trading hours. I won’t be looking at those confirms again.

No steak dinner for me.

It’s closing on two years since I first dropped a bug on the water with a Scott fly rod. The G2 905-4 is a staple of my quiver, unequal in terms of delicate presentation capability. Unfortunately, I’m prone to throwing meat, particularly at dawn and dusk (and midway between 8am and 10am, at 12pm on the hour, and every 15 to 30 minutes between 1pm and sunset). The G2 is a true medium action stick – certainly not impossible, but it is ill-suited for tossing tandem streamers or streamers with tandem hooks. Using another 5-weight which is stiff as a rail for the “dirty bird” methods, I’ve found myself carrying two rods an awful lot.

Circa the time I purchased fiver number two, I’d also spent some time test casting the Scott S4 905-4. Investment difference aside, there’s been slight regret since, which turned into deep anguish a few months back when I was handed the same S4 and told to play with it the rest of the day. Less than 86,400 minutes later it was a permanent addition to the lineup.

What follows are my thoughts…

Read more »

Low and behold, I’m spending my winter/spring transition in the salt. Captain James “Grand Poobah” Snyder (a.k.a. Commander-In-Chief, Primal Fly South), is my host. Before we begin I’ll note for the record that the ambiance down here is first-class through and through (or maybe GP and his sidekick Sissy “The Brains AND the Beauty” Sessanna are just happy I do my own dishes). Either way, it’s nothing but a steaming pile of tasty Sunshine State goodness. And the weather ain’t too shabby either.

The first week was filled with nothing but work, and despite a holiday shortened week Friday was welcomed with open arms. Then this morning we embarked on a critical first mission: find out if all the fish in Tampa Bay were killed by last month’s cold snap. We are now happy to report they were not. While we didn’t spot any “spots” all day, we did have a couple hour period around the tide change where we chalked up some serious sea trout counts. Adding to the fun – the boats around us weren’t even snagging debris, and at least one of our crew (cough cough) was throwing flies to boot.

Yes, the previously mentioned devout fly tosser is yours truly. Even sadder than it seems, Captain Snyder (a.a.k.a. Trout Lichtenstein) has gone from slaying the freshwater derivative of Salmo trutta morpha trutta with a fine 4-weight and size 20 Jujubaetis to slinging jig-headed plastic with something called a “spinning rod.” I watched this wretched device in action with my own two eyes – while it can be used to catch fish I find the methodology uncivilized…actually borderline criminal. The fish I caught were generally smaller, and I did mar up Captain “Should I Stop For Some Live Shrimp Before We Hit The Ramp” Snyder’s boat deck with my dry-rotted wading booties. Nevertheless, my heart remains pure.

Tune in next week, where we debate whether the stuff Captain James “My Boat Is Pink…How Bout That Bitches” Snyder coats on his plastics before each and every cast is called Lunker Lotion, Bottled Bait Breath, or just plain ol’ cheating.

MG signing off (to keep casting flies, like a good boy should)

Three sets of dorsal fins head up the beach of Mary’s Bay, Little Cayman Island. You’ve blown three shots this morning already and aren’t about to miss another. Standing in waist deep water sixty feet from the sand, you cast perpendicular towards shore, betting the permit will cross your fly’s path. You’ll give that Merkin a twitch, and then wham!

When the group are no more than ten feet from your line they stop dead, take a 90 degree turn right, following your line’s path towards you. You are a statue. They swim around you, not ten feet away, and you can see each is pushing the 20 el bee mark. They then follow your line’s path back towards the beach, and when they reach the point where they initially changed direction, they make another sharp right hand turn and continue their prowling up the shoreline. You are at once bewildered and downtrodden. And amazed at what you’ve just seen take place.

What do the following songs have to do with that [true] story? Absolutely nothing before I compiled the list, and it’ll only make sense to you after you’ve hit yourself in the back of the head with a crab pattern just when what you really needed was one perfect cast.

Methodically mixed…

1 ) And It Stoned Me – Van Morrison
2 ) Dirty Laundry – Don Henley
3 ) Exodus – Bob Marley
4 ) Going Back to Cali – LL Cool J
5 ) Landfall – Jimmy Buffett
6 ) Long Training Runnin’ – The Doobie Brothers
7 ) Rat in Mi Kitchen – UB40
8 ) Rock the Casbah – The Clash
9 ) Runnin’ Down a Dream – Tom Petty
10 ) She Talks To Angels – The Black Crowes
11 ) Shelter – The Brand New Heavies
12 ) Steppin’ Out – Steel Pulse
13 ) Sultans of Swing – Dire Straits
14 ) The Devil Went Down To Georgia – Charlie Daniels Band
15 ) The Fly – U2
16 ) Rat Race – Jeremy Cameron
17 ) Tribute – Tenacious D
18 ) Trouble In My Brain – Sunnyboys
19 ) What Difference Does It Make – The Smiths

MG signing off (to show reverence to permit – they be my nemesis)

There has been a rash of robberies around Front Range fly shops, reports the fly shop managers who have my number input into their phones so they can quickly reject my calls The Denver Channel:

Several Denver-area fly fishing shops have been robbed in recent weeks, and now store owners are hoping to use social media sites to reel the suspect in.

In all, it’s estimated the thief has stolen as much as $10,000 worth of gear from seven stores in the Denver metro, as well as two stores in Pueblo.

Among the folks leveraging the web to find the culprit are Trout’s Fly Fishing, who have a link to pictures of the suspect posted on their Facebook page.

After talking with one of the victims, I can tell you to keep your eyes peeled for new, high-end gear, maybe up for sale. Most people who fly fish with any consistency should know exactly what I mean by high-end gear. Information leading to arrest will get you a new Sage fly rod, compliments of the shops that have been taken.

I’m the last guy on the planet that needs another fly rod, so if you email me with any information I’ll pass it along and you’ll get the credit.

MG signing off (To Catch A Thief © 1955 Alfred Hitchcock)

A year and a few months after dumping my Blackberry for a Nokia flip, I’ve turned back to the dark side. Part of the reason was simply needing email in my pocket again – I’ve got several projects going on right now and I’m feeling the heat every time I step away from the desk for more than five minutes. Also, RIM finally released a desktop manager for OS X, so I knew I could keep things in sync (or at least have someone to complain to about it).

After two days I’m impressed. The Curve 8900 connects to the neighbors’ wifi, so I can carry on with my surreptitious mobile activities, anonymously, and the interface has the clean and easy feel I became accustomed to last go-round. I was, however, surprised to find so many available applications that are actually useful. While Skype chat is still missing, I’ve been able to dig up an RSS reader, various IM clients, and of course the usual…apps for Twitter and Facebook.

Yep, I’m impressed. And while this post is not particularly impressive in its own right, I did type and publish the whole thing with Wordpress for Blackberry. What will they think of next?

MG signing off (to walk the dog, fully connected)